A Good Good-Bye – Why ‘how’ you end a job sometimes matters most

Sometimes you have to search to find the ‘good’ in good-bye.

I remember the end of childhood softball games like they were yesterday. Whether we had won or lost we would form a line and High Five all the players from the opposite team while we mindlessly said, ‘Good game,’ to each one. Sometimes it was fun – mainly when we won.  Sometimes it was painful – usually when we lost. But the coaches made us do it either way.

I’m not sure if the lesson actually sunk in then, but the seed was definitely planted and over the years I have learned – albeit sometimes the hard way – the importance of ending things well.

Now that I’m older I find myself sounding a lot like my childhood coaches when I tell people I coach that how you end things related to your career (jobs, internships, classes, programs)  is not only a reflection of your character but sometimes is the more important than the work you did while you there.

Everyone is anxious about a new job.  Most are overwhelmed and some are excited. But after the shine wears off, after familiarity comes and goes, eventually there comes a point when almost all jobs come to an end.

Whether you are moving on to bigger and better things, whether the work is done, or whether you are being invited to leave, how you leave will create a lasting impression. If I could give one bit of advice about leaving a job, it would be that no matter what terms you are leaving on, to whatever degree it is up to you – leave on good terms and leave with class.

For jobs you enjoyed, write your boss a quick thank-you note. It will take three minutes and can be the difference between an average recommendation or a glowing one someday later on. Thank your bosses them for their time, their patience, and all that they taught you while you were there.  

Few people write thank you notes anymore and almost none write them when they leave a job.

For you to do so you would speak volumes about your character. It would and help you stand out from the crowd, especially in positions with high turnover like internships and seasonal jobs.

Remember how happy you were when you got the call that you got a particular job? Be sure to thank the person who took a chance on you with that same level of appreciation you had when they first chose you. Thank them for giving you the opportunity to be a part of their team and to gain more experience.

It sounds easy, but it isn’t always.

You should also write a thank you note, and here’s where it gets hard, even if you are not leaving on good terms.

I know, I know, take a second or two and let that sink in before you continue on.  

I can already hear the objections now, “But Dr. James, she was the worst boss I have ever had!” “But Dr. James, you don’t understand, he yelled at me and all of his clients don’t even like him.” “But Dr. James, they fired me!”  And my answer to all of them would be the same…

Good. Look what you learned from that person. You learned things that will make you a better boss one day, you learned how not to treat people, and if you were fired, there is likely a significant lesson to be learned if you will humble yourself and learn it.

I’m not naïve.

I know it may be hard to write a thank-you note following a less-than happy ending. But I also know that what Tom Hanks said in A League of Their Own is true, “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” 

My goal is not for anyone reading this to be average; my goal is for each of you to stand out.  Or more importantly, raise to the top.

Even if you only write a note saying, “Dear Boss, thank you for giving me this opportunity,” it would speak volumes about you and about your character. 

Furthermore, and here’s the best part, if things ended poorly it would shock the person. In a good way. If he or she ever had a bad thing to say about you it would likely make them think long and hard about doing so after having a handwritten thank you note on their desk.

Employees come and go in the work place.

Often they are there for a season, an internship, a job shadow, or at best, sometimes a few years.

It’s hard to run a business with high turnover and bosses see a lot of workers over the years. Most are expecting you to leave without thanking them; they are expecting you to slink away if you made a mistake; they are expecting you to bad mouth them if you are leaving on bad terms.

But my challenge to you is not to.

Be different.

Be appreciative of every learning opportunity - good or bad - that comes your way, and say so.

One thing I know for sure, when I look back on the softball games of my childhood, it wasn’t usually the games we won that I remember learning anything from saying, ‘Good game’.

But there was this one time…

I remember a player from the opposing team we had just beaten come through the line smiling, sincerely saying, ‘Good game’ to me.

I was shocked.

I was even a bit ashamed.

Because here I was gloating from our victory and instead of feeling defeated she was genuinely happy for me.

Even now, she is the kind of person I would like to have on my team.

More importantly, she is the kind of person I want to be.